Improving a Thesis Statement

This lesson will show you how to write a clearer thesis statement for a specific question essay. This is the introduction paragraph and is applicable to both the GT and academic paper.

Many people think that job satisfaction is important in work.

Do you think young people these days should be sure of getting job satisfaction before taking a new job or should they put salary first?

What can we see from this essay question?

  1. The essay question asks for your opinion (“Do you think….?”)
  2. The essay is about what people look for when they take a new job
  3. It is often thought that people should choose a new job for job satisfaction
  4. Others think that people should choose a new job for the salary

Here’s a student’s thesis statement for their introduction. How would you improve the thesis statement? Try to write this thesis statement again before you look at the models.

While work satisfaction should be a motive for a successful employee, I do not think that salary must be a priority.”

Model Thesis Statement

Here are two possible ways that the above thesis statement could be better written to make the answer clearer for the reader.

1. In my opinion, I think that work satisfaction should be the main motive for choosing a job rather than salary.

2. In my opinion, it is better for people to put satisfaction at work as a priority for choosing a job instead of aiming for a competitive salary.

Model Introduction

Below is a model introduction with both a background and thesis statement. This offers yet another way to write the thesis statement:

An increasing number of people are prioritising job satisfaction as one of the most important factors in their work. In my opinion, I think that job satisfaction should be the deciding factor when considering a new job instead of aiming for a competitive salary.

 

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Comments

  1. In my opinion I believe that while taking up a job one should look for job satisfaction than the amount of salary it is offering

  2. Jacqueline says:

    Hi Liz! I’m very fond of learning with you!!!
    You are the best!!
    I have some questions in relation to some Brazilian ways to write:
    1- In Brazil we usually initiate a paragraph with a space in the line, as a tab of the computer, about 2 cm.
    2- We also separate syllabus, if necessary, at the end of the line.
    3- And can we leave an empty line between paragraphs in Essay Task 2?
    I’m worried about that.
    What do you think about?
    Thank’s a lot!
    Congratulations about your job!!

    • There are no rules about how to make your paragraphs clear in writing task 1 or task 2. I personally prefer students to leave one empty line between paragraphs – it’s so easy to see which makes it easier for the examiner. You don’t need to leave a space or an indent, if you already leave one line empty.

  3. TiJesunimi says:

    Hello Liz, thanks for the lectures
    What do you think of this answer:
    A lot of individuals believe that being happy with one’s profession is crucial to work. This essay discusses my opinion which is that youths should focus more on getting a vocation they enjoy rather than wages which can come later.

    My IELTS exam is this Saturday 21st January

  4. Hello =)
    I do hope and pray that you are always in a good condition.

    Can ask an advice for this?

    The majority of the population believes that being fulfilled in their current occupation is essential. I acquiesce that the newer generation must ensure to achieve their fulfillment from their prospected field rather than prioritizing the monetary benefits they can procure from it.

    People often employ themselves to earn for a living due to a fact most of the people inquires about the compensation allotted for a certain position before they submit a resume. With the income of the person, the basic necessities and luxuries can be garnered thus, marks his completeness and happiness. An example of this is if a person can afford to, at least, have a regular vacation to be able to travel to marvelous locations he opts to go such as a romantic tryst on a magnificent island, without having to worry how to pay the bills later, it is believed that his job is satisfying.

    On the other hand, different people have a different perspective of the work satisfaction per se. A plethora of those I know prioritize other factors such as colleagues, location, job description, company profile, and the organizational framework since, these aspects will define if one person can thrive with the institution. The compensation can be dismissed if the work will be detrimental to a person.

    I believe that money cannot buy happiness. Therefore, the younger generation should see to it that they engage with a company where they can be an asset and develop themselves to be a better person in the process upon their longevity. Salary will never be sufficient for someone even if the people from the lowest rank-and-file to the president of the company are queried.

    To recapitulate, I opine that new job-seekers take into consideration all the benefits he can acquire from a prospected position. Money is not a sturdy basis henceforth, security and stability in the job is of utmost importance.

    Thank you very much,

    Steph

  5. Hi Liz
    I can’t stop laughing when someone asks you to give band score only for a part writing like introduction, a body paragraph or conclusion….

    Thanks so much for your wonderful work, for providing students free lessons with lots of advises and strategies to improve their band score.

  6. it’s exellent examples of thesis statement!

  7. I’m sorry, can you explain what’s the main of the word prioritising ???

  8. Hi Liz,
    Here is my introduction.

    It is commonly thought that job satisfaction is crucial in work. Even though salary is very important in choosing a new job, I believe that job satisfaction is the underlying factor for which people should look prior to getting a job.

    Thanks

  9. Hi and thanks for the lesson.

    One question to your model thesis statement:
    Isn’t “In my opinion, I think that…” a double-up?

  10. Hello Mum,

    Please what would I suppose to write in the thesis statement after my introduction, if the essay question do not ask for opinion totally?
    I’m a bit confused mum.

    Thanks in advance.

    • The thesis statement is part of the introduction. Please see my video lesson on the writing page about writing an introduction.
      Liz

  11. Hi Liz, thanks for the useful learning resources you provided. The following is my introduction, may I know the mistakes that I should improve?

    Job satisfaction is considered the major requirement by the majority of people when they look for an employment. In my opinion, whether the job is in high salary should also be one of the element for choosing the job. However, if one job can provide the youngster new knowledge and satisfy their working objective, it will be a wonderful working experience and worth to seeking for.

    Many thanks!

  12. Quang Tuan says:

    1. He should begin with “In my opinion,” to make it easy to follow.
    2. He ought to express his opinion clearer, easier to catch.
    I rewrite:
    …. . In my opinion, I think that work satisfaction should be a priority when choosing a job instead of salary.

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