How should music lessons be funded? Sample Answer

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Below is a student’s discussion essay. Read through the essay and then answer the questions below.

Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Student Essay 

It is argued in the statement that government should contribute in music, dance and arts learning of the children whereas many others think that it is the responsibility of parents or local organisations to support these programs. In my opinion, the above mentioned subjects should be aided by the concerning and governing bodies of a state.


On the one hand, it is often thought by many people that government of a state should contribute in learning of arts and cultural subjects such as music and dance for the children. For example, in some secondary schools, government provides material required in the construction of different art projects or instruments like guitar and keyboard to learn music. This example clearly shows that by providing support to the young students, government could easily promote cultural and traditional values all around the world. Hence, governments are responsible for the growth of arts and music.


On the other hand, according to some people, instead of governing bodies, children’s families or private agencies should participate in the growth and learning of music, dance or other arts work. For instance, students of a single class may not be equally interested in learning music or dance, so funding by the government could be wasted in this manner. Therefore, it is important that parents of interested kids should groom their children by sending them to the private institutions where they can enjoy their preferences. In this way, funds by the government can be utilized well on some other things.


To conclude, I believe that government should provide all the facilities of learning arts and music, as this is the cultural heritage which should be preserved internationally.

Questions

  1. Does the student give a clear opinion? What is their opinion? Answer
    The answer is given quite well. The student believes the government should pay for the lessons. However, the vocabulary is not completely clear “the concerning and governing bodies of a state.” The word “concerning” is irrelevant and is slightly confusing. The thesis statement should be very clear and vocabulary 100% accurate so only write about the government.
  2. Is the information in the introduction relevant?Answer
    Yes, the information given is mostly relevant. There is no unnecessary information given. There is a background statement and a thesis statement. However, the introduction could be improved by using more precise vocabulary. For example, the students wrote “government should contribute in music, dance and arts learning” but this essay is about money and funding not just contributing. Again in the thesis statement the student writes “should be aided” but this essay is not about giving help, it’s about money. “The student is trying to avoid repeating the word “funding” but it should be repeated – you can get a band score 9 even with that word repeated. Another way to say it is “pay for”.
  3. What reasons are given in the essay for the government to fund lessons in school? Can you think of other reasons?Answer
    The ideas are not completely clear but they are that the government can pay for equipment and can help in the growth of the arts. This could be written more clearly “One reason for government funding is that the government has more financial resources to pay for expensive equipment needed to run top quality classes. Another benefit of state funded lessons is that they can help promote these subjects on a wider scale.” Thes e are the main reasons. 
  4. What reasons are given in the essay for lessons to be privately funded? Are they correct? Can you think of more?Answer
    The reasons are that students are not all equally interested in art or music and another reason is that students can enjoy their preferences in private lessons. These are good reasons but in this paragraph there is also disadvantages of government funding – that is not needed in this paragraph. This paragraph should be about private funding only. Other reasons why privately funded lessons are better – 1. teachers can adapt lessons to suit the individual learner 2. the time and length of lesson is more flexible 3. classes are either individual or one-to-one so there’s more feedback and support
  5. Can you find an example of non academic words?Answer
    Yes, the word “kid”. This student is worried about repeating the word “children” and it over paraphrasing. Children are children – the word will be repeated. “kid” is not academic. Also the word “like” used as a linking device is not academic. 
  6. What band score would you give this essay?Answer
     The essay structure is excellent. The ideas are mostly relevant. It would probably get about 6.5. It could get band score 7 if the vocabulary was more accurate and the student wrote about funding rather than helping.
  7. What advice would you give this student to improve?Answer
    Don’t try to paraphrase all words. Decide which words can and cannot be paraphrase accurately. Also don’t change the meaning of the essay. Over paraphrasing is as problematic as under paraphrasing. This essay is about funding not about contributing or aiding. Underline the key words in the essay question and always make sure you are answering them.

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Improving Sentences: E-books and paper books

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Improve your academic writing skills for IELTS writing task 2.

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The statements below are taken from a student’s essay and contain some mistakes. Can you re-write these sentences so that they are not only correct but also higher band score?

  1. In my point of view, reading digital books have more advantages compared with printed books.
  2. First and foremost, E-book is been accessed, nowadays, easily by the people in a fraction of seconds through the advanced modern communication technologies.
  3. Secondly, buying an electronic version books are easier than the printed paper books.
  4. On the other hand, People health will affect when they spend more time to read books by using the modern gadgets such as laptop, mobile phones and tablets.
  5. In conclusion, in my view, electronic version books bring more pleasure and easily to access.

Try writing the sentences for yourself before you check the answers.Answers

  1. In my opinion, reading digital books has more advantages compared to printed books. (“reading digital books” is the subject and it is actually singular so the verb must be “has” not “have”)
  2. First and foremost, e-books can be easily accessed by people in only a fraction of a second through the use of advanced modern technology. ( The phrase “a fraction of a second” can’t be plural and must be written as it is. It’s a nice phrase to use and can be used for academic writing – just make sure you write it correctly)
  3. Secondly, buying electronic books online is easier for the consumer than purchasing printed paper books.
  4. On the other hand, spending too much time reading e-books on bright screens from gadgets such as laptops or tablets, can have an adverse effect on people’s health.
  5. In conclusion, I think that e-books are more accessible to both read and buy for the consumer than conventional paper books.

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IELTS Writing Penalty for Being Under Words

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“Under the word count” penalty update for IELTS Writing Task 2 

As you see on the page below, previously you would have a fixed penalty of band score 5 for Task Response in IELTS writing task 2 if you wrote under the word count which is 250 words. This rule has now been removed.

Does this mean you can now write under the word count?

The answer to this is yes and no. Let me explain. It is possible to write under the word count and you will get no fixed penalty. But will it impact your score?

Writing a short essay which is under 250 words will definitely impact your score and not in a good way. The requirements of good band score are that you develop your ideas sufficiently. This means you must have enough words to develop your main points. A short essay doesn’t do this. Take a look below at the requirements of Task Response regarding this:

  • Band 5 = ideas are limited and not sufficiently developed
  • Band 6 = ideas might be inadequately developed
  • Band 7 = extends main ideas
  • Band 8 = presents well-developed response with extended ideas
  • Band 9 = fully extended ideas

As you see, developing and extending your main points is crucial to increase your score. You cannot develop your ideas properly if your body paragraphs are too short. Certainly, a long paragraph is no guarantee of a well-developed idea, but a short paragraph will ensure it is not developed enough. So, you need two things: 1) body paragraphs that are long enough to be considered developed.  2) body paragraphs containing sentences that are focused and relevant. Basically, the right length and focused.

What word limits do you recommend for paragraphs?

  • Your introduction is a functional paragraph of just two statements usually about 40-50 words.
  • Each body paragraph MUST be sufficiently developed for a high score. If you have two body paragraphs, it’ll be about 95 words per paragraph and about 65 words for three body paragraphs. Having less might put you at risk of not having sufficiently developed main points.
  • The conclusion is also a functional paragraph of about 30-40 words.

In total, your essay should be around 270 – 290 words in length. If you write less, your ideas might not be developed enough for a high score. If you write more, your ideas might lack focus and sentences might lack relevancy. See my model essays on this page: IELTS Writing Task 2 Lessons & Tips

Word count Rules Previously Used by IELTS Before

There used to be a fixed penalty in IELTS writing if you wrote under the word count which is 150 words for writing task 1 and 250 words for writing task 2.  You would automatically get only band 5 in Task Response which counts for 25% of your marks.

Other things affecting your score

  1. Your handwriting – if the examiner has problems reading your handwriting, your band score can be seriously affected.
  2. Memorised answer – if your essay answer is memorised, it will not be accepted and could result in a 0 band score.
  3. Limited answer – if you fail to answer the whole question and only answer half of it, you will not get above band score 5 in task response.

Is there a penalty for writing too much?

No, there is no upper limit. However, writing too many words does not mean you will get a better mark. In fact, it might cause problems.  It might include sentences that are less relevant and less focused. People often like to add “padding” to their essays but this only lowers your score. See this page: How Many Words is Recommended for Writing Task 2

Recommended

For more answers to questions about IELTS writing task 2, follow the link.

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IELTS Essay Ideas: Banning Mobile Phones

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A recent essay question reported on Jan 31:

Some people think that the use of mobiles (cell) phones should be banned in public places such a in libraries and shop and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Ideas

Reasons for Banning Mobile Phones in Public Places

  • Phones can be intrusive. (uninvited noise to others)
  • Phones can disturb others when they are concentrating, for example in a library.
  • They are antisocial as people are too busy sending messages to talk to the people in front of them, for example in a shop when they are being served.
  • The signal can cause problems in some public places, such as hospitals, by interfering with delicate instruments or equipment.
  • In some public place, such as libraries, music halls or galleries, phones can annoy and ruin the experience for others.

Reasons for Not Banning Mobiles Phones in Public Places

  • Mobiles do not need to be intrusive as they can easily be turned to silent or vibrate.
  • Phones can be useful in case of emergencies, for instance accidents in public places.
  • Phones can provide entertainment when travelling on tedious journeys, particularly on public transport.
  • Phones are multi-functional and can be used as recording devices or cameras so shouldn’t be banned in public.
  • They are useful for families overseas to get in touch with each other.
  • They provide a safety for youngsters as parents can easily get in touch with them wherever they are.

Concessions

  • mobile phones should be banned in places where they interfere with equipment, interrupt a service or break rules, such as in a library, but in all other public places they should be allowed as long as they are used with respect to others

Recommended

Please note that some of the above ideas are not connected to the exact essay question (for example, they include ideas about banning phones in hospitals or museums – these are ideas just to help you with the general topic rather than the exact essay question)

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IELTS Direct Question Essay: Success of a Business

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Sample essay about judging success in business. This essay question  asks two direct questions which you must answer about the way success in business can be measured. The essay below was written by a student but as one major flaw – can you find it.

Essay Question

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money they make.

Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?

In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

Student’s Essay

It is argued in the statement that achievement and success in business can only be judged by the amount earned by the people. From my perspective, money is a true and most valuable criterion to mark success of a business. There are different other ways to measure business success which will be taken into account prior to reaching an informed conclusion.

Money is considered as a correct and reliable index to predict the strength of a successful business. For example, families of victorious business owners are rolling in money just because they earn a lot to fulfil the needs and demands of their dependents. It is clearly evident from the given example that the amount of money directly correlates with the huge productivity and outcome of a trade. So, it is only possible for someone to deal with all the life affairs very coherently with an ample amount of earning.

There are many other potential ways in which the peak of running business can be measured easily. Firstly, different deals and standard packages are only offered by the leading multinational companies. Secondly, a power of occupation can also be judged by the remarkable number of clients. Thirdly, an organization can also become successful with happy clerks and working staff. Finally, a success of a business can be related to the amount of taxes paid by its owners, as increased income will lead to more tax payments.

To conclude, although money is the most important way to determine the effectiveness of a business but other methods are also very important to tackle multiple problems in running a business. By following the above mentioned protocols, economy would have a bright future internationally.

Assessing the Essay Above

  1. Should the thesis statement begin with “From my prospective, …”
  2. Does the thesis statement provide answers to the questions?
  3. Does the first body paragraph answer the first question?
  4. Does the second body paragraph answer the second question?
  5. Does the topic sentence ( the first sentence) for each paragraph contain the main point?
  6. Are linking devices used well?
  7. What other comments can you make about this essay?
Answers
  1. It is better to start with “In my opinion”. See this lesson about how to give your opinion in an IELTS essay.
  2. Yes, each question should be answered in the introduction.
  3. Yes.
  4. Some of the points are off topic. Some ideas about how a company can become successful instead of how success is measured.
  5. The topic sentence for BP1 is fine and provides a clear answer. However, the topic sentence for BP2 is not clear because it doesn’t mention about measuring success of a business but about measuring the running of a business  (which is not the same thing).
  6. Yes, they are used well.
  7. More time needs to be spent planning ideas to make sure they are on topic. Here are some tips on planning an IELTS essay.

 

IELTS Model Essays Band Score 9, click to open

 

 

Main IELTS Pages

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Single-Sex Schools Vs Mixed Schools

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Learn useful ideas to talk about the advantages or single-sex and mixed sex schools. This topic can appear in IELTS writing task 2:

Some people think that children perform better in a single-sex school compared to a mixed school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Single-Sex and Co-educational Schools

If you don’t have youtube, try listening to a recording of the video. Audio

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Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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“Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?” is a common IELTS essay question in writing task 2 which many students struggle with. Below is an sample essay question to practice this type of essay and also some tips to help you.

Essay Question Sample

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Tips for Outweigh Essay Questions

To answer this type of IELTS essay question you must:

  1. brainstorm ideas supporting both sides first
  2. this question is asking for your opinion
  3. answer the question – do you think the advantages or the disadvantages are most important? Which one?
  4. put your answer to the question in the thesis statement in your introduction
    • you can use the word “outweigh” in your introduction if you want
    • or you can simply explain if there are more advantages or disadvantages in your opinion
    • avoid formulaic statements for your thesis statement – this means don’t use a memorised phrase
  5. have one body paragraph which gives details about the opposite side to your opinion
  6. have either one or two body paragraphs which give details of the side you chose to support
  7. re-state your opinion in the conclusion using different language

Be Careful

  • The “outweigh” essay question is not exactly the same as the Advantages and Disadvantages essay question.
  • This type of question is very different from the “positive or negative” essay question.

Post your essay in the comments box below for other students to comment on and so you can compare with others.

Recommended for Writing Task 2

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Tourism and The Local Community

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Below are some ideas for the advantages and disadvantages which tourism brings to a community. These ideas can be used both for speaking part 3 and also writing task 2 in IELTS.

Essay Question

Over the last few decades, there has been an increase in international tourism. Some people think that tourism is beneficial for local communities and should be encouraged.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Speaking Part 3 Questions

  1. Do you think tourism is a good thing?
  2. Why do you think some people  believe tourism to be bad for local communities?
  3. Do you think local communities change as an effect of tourism?
  4. Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages of tourism for local communities?

Don’t forget we are looking at the effects of tourism as an industry rather than a tourist as a person. Don’t confuse the two.

Advantages of Tourism

  1. Tourism brings money and boosts the economy.
  2. It offers employment to local people.
  3. It offers fresh perspectives on life and culture.
  4. Locals usually need to learn English to talk to tourists which can have beneficial long term effects.
  5. To boost tourism, local communities often invest money on improving the infrastructure which has lasting positive effects.

Disadvantages of Tourism

  1. Tourism can create a economic dependency which can be detrimental to the community if it is not sustainable.
  2. Tourism can have a negative impact on the local environment in terms of pollution.
    1. noise pollution from tourist entertainment
    2. air pollution from increased transportation
  3. Tourism can cause friction between locals and tourists, if local culture is not respected.
  4. The bulk of the money brought in by tourism rarely finds its way into local hands and instead lines the pockets of the middle man (the tour operator).

 

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