The IELTS writing task 2 sample answer below has examiner comments and is band score 9. The topic of social media is common and this IELTS essay question was reported in the IELTS test. Check the model essay and then read the comments.
Target Band 7, 8 and 9 in IELTS Essays
Many people think that the techniques used to get a band score 7 vary from those to get a band score 9. This is not the case. The techniques for a band score 9 essay are the techniques for all essays regardless of what score you are aiming for. The result of your band score will be decided by how well you apply those techniques, how well you address the task, and the level of your English language. So, the essay below is one that all IELTS candidates can learn from.
IELTS BAND 9 MODEL ESSAY
Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.
To what extent do you agree?
Social networking sites, for instance Facebook, are thought by some to have had a detrimental effect on individual people as well as society and local communities. However, while I believe that such sites are mainly beneficial to the individual, I agree that they have had a damaging effect on local communities.
With regards to individuals, the impact that online social media has had on each individual person has clear advantages. Firstly, people from different countries are brought together through such sites as Facebook whereas before the development of technology and social networking sites, people rarely had the chance to meet or communicate with anyone outside of their immediate circle or community. Secondly, Facebook also has social groups which offer individuals a chance to meet and participate in discussions with people who share common interests.
On the other hand, the effect that Facebook and other social networking sites have had on societies and local communities can only be seen as negative. Rather than individual people taking part in their local community, they are instead choosing to take more interest in people online. Consequently, the people within local communities are no longer forming close or supportive relationships. Furthermore, society as a whole is becoming increasingly disjointed and fragmented as people spend more time online with people they have never met face to face and who they are unlikely to ever meet in the future.
To conclude, although social networking sites have brought individuals closer together, they have not had the same effect on society or local communities. Local communities should do more to try and involve local people in local activities in order to promote the future of community life.
Examiner Comments: This essay was about how social media impacts two aspects: 1) individuals, which means people 2) society, which also means communities. This essay did address both of these aspects of social media and developed them both sufficiently for a high score. The writer presented a clear opinion and retained this opinion throughout the essay. Organisation of ideas into paragraphs was logical. Signposting and linking were also flexible. Furthermore, the word length of this essay is typical for anyone aiming for band score 7 and above. Words 280 = this is a sufficient length for a high score. A long essay (well over 300 words) is not helpful for a high score in Task Response, particular as IELTS essays are designed to be highly focused and quite short.
Useful IELTS Pages for Writing and Other Sections
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