A band score 9 model essay for IELTS writing task 2. The essay question below was reported in the IELTS test in February 2020.
IELTS Essay Question 2020
Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
IELTS Essay Model Answer 2020
Note: The essay below is longer than most of you will aim for. It’s fine for a band 9 candidate. For others, try to aim for between 270 and 290 words. Aim for accuracy and quality rather than length.
People hold different views as to whether mobile phones are detrimental to children or not. In my opinion, this depends very much on how the phones are used and how that use is supervised as to whether they are harmful for children or not.
On the one hand, some people think children can be harmed by using mobile phones mainly because the games and apps found on phones, which are mostly not educational, can easily become addictive. This results in children engaging less in healthy physical activities and spending less time on homework, both of which can have dire consequences in the long run. Furthermore, using mobile phones exposes children to unmonitored social media platforms where predators might be lurking in wait by taking advantage of the anonymity offered online.
On the other hand, mobile phones can actually protect children by allowing parents to track their geographical location and contact them immediately if necessary. Never before have parents been able to know the exact whereabouts of their child minute by minute. In addition, the instant communication provides essential security for children in times of crisis. Lastly, mobile phones do allow access to educational apps specifically created for children which, if used wisely, can further their education.
Finally, I believe that if parents monitor how the smart phone is being used by their child, it can be beneficial for a child’s development. By blocking certain social media sites, parents can be sure their child is safe whilst being online. Moreover, by setting time limits on how long their child can use the phone means that it will not interfere with a child’s educational development and will avoid any form of addiction.
In conclusion, children are only at risk when using a mobile phone if they are not being supervised and are not given strict guidelines to follow which are set by their parents.
Comments: This essay presents a clear opinion which is fully explained. Both sides have been clearly discussed. Ideas are extended and supporting points relevant. Ideas are organised logical and a good range of linking words have been used. Grammar is both complex and accurate. Vocabulary is topic related and less common items are used.
See more model essays and lessons , click here: Writing Task 2 Answers, Lessons & Tips.
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he Liz, I have a question, shouldn’t an introduction be like hook + definitions, history + thesis ?
please answer my question as soon as you can because I’m really confused and my test is in about a week.
This is all explained in this free video lesson: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2-how-to-write-an-introduction/. Don’t confuse an academic essay with an IELTS essay – they are not the same. There are specific requirements for IELTS which do not follow a typical uni essay. Also see all my free lessons and tips for writing task 2: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2/
Hi Liz,
I’m going to try the Ielts test. I have to achieve a score between 5-6,5.
Can I write over 160 words in writing task 1?
Thanks a lot!!
You should write over 160 words. The word count usually falls between 170 and 190 words. Try to avoid going over 200 in task 1.
Hello Liz, I want to purchase your e-book but I’m late. Is there any way to get it now?
Thank’s
MY online store is always open: https://elizabethferguson.podia.com/
Hi Liz! Thanks for sharing all the necessary tips needed. I really appreciate. Pls if I may ask, how do I get your advance training?
You can find it in my online store: https://elizabethferguson.podia.com/
Hi Liz!
Thank you for this model answer!
I believe that in the third paragraph there is a typo with the word “while”.
…”parents can be sure their child is safe while being online”
Thanks!
You can use while or whilst in that sentence. Both are fine to use. While is more commonly used.
Hello liz,
Is it not necessary to write an example in body paragraphs? My teacher said thay i have to include an example or evidence in body paragraphs. Can you please clarify my doubt
Examples are used when relevant. Also examples do not need to start with “for example” or “for instances” – there are many ways to illustrate a point as I have done in my body paragraphs.
Thank you somuch for your reply Liz. This article really helps me a lot.. Once again thank you for your great job..
Thanks Liz for your great ideas and initiatives which show us the right track of IELTS.
Hi Liz.
Grateful for your tips and actual work. Gonna appear in ielts acedemic next month, this site is marvelous. Love and respect from Pakistan.
Good luck!
Dear Madam,
Love and respect from Bangladesh. Your website is highly followed by IELTS taker here. May Almighty makes you do more help to us.
Greetings Bangladesh 🙂
Hi Liz,
Today is my exam and I have studied only by seeing your website and videos… Thanks a tonne for being so informative.
Lots of love from Dubai
Good luck! Keep your eye on the clock for reading and writing – manage your time appropriately 🙂
You are absolutely a legend. Thank you
You’re welcome 🙂
Thank you very much for this model!
I want to ask if two body paragraphs will be sufficient for a band 8 response?
This is considering that all other criteria are met and ideas are clearly expressed and developed.
Any guidance is much appreciated.
As long as you have either two or three body paragraphs, you’ll be fine. More than that or less will negatively affect your score.
Hello Liz, I call you the professor of professsors without doubt as your videos are just too exceptional. Please I need clarification in where you said ” As long as you have either two or three body paragraphs that one will be fine; and you concluded that more than that or less will negatively affect one’s score. Does this apply to both writing tasks?
If yes, does that mean that in both task 1 and 2 one’s paragraph should not exceed two or three paragraphs? What about if one has more facts to render in the course of writing?
Don’t mix task 1 and task 2. Task 2 is an essay and task 1 is a report. They are very different pieces of writing. In a short report (task 1), paragraphs do not need to be balanced in terms of length, there should never be repetition of information (ie no concluding summary of points previously made) and the method of writing is quite formulaic. For task 2, the body paragraphs must be equal length (all main points equally and sufficiently developed). The conclusion in task 2 will repeat the main points as a summary. Task 2 will have either two or three body paragraphs. If you have only one, you are penalised for not dividing information into paragraphs. If you have more than three body paragraphs, you won’t be able to sufficiently develop them for a high score. You don’t get a higher score because you had four main points – but you do get a higher score for developing two or three main points well. In task 1, you might have three or four paragraphs – it depends on the information you have been given. See all my model answers on the main pages of this site to see the variations.
Can’t even thank you enough for all these tips and actual work…you are awesome.Thank you.
I only wish I met you earlier. My test is tomorrow….
Good luck!!
Hi Liz,
Great essay. It deserved a 9.0!
I am preparing for my IELTS next week (the computer-based test) and I fell in love with your website. It is extremely organized and detail-oriented. Well done!
I do have a doubt, though, about the way the time is divided between Task 1 and Task 2 and I did not manage to find any comments on that.
Could you, please, help me out on this one?
By the time we are shown the Writing section (Task 1), which is recommended for us to spend up to 20 min on it, can we also see the Task 2 essay topic (40 min)? I mean, could we choose to start writing the Task 2 before, if we wanted to?
Thanks in advance!
When the writing test starts, you will get the full writing test. That means both tasks. It is your choice which one you do first and it is your choice how long you spend on each one. You have one hour to manage as you wish. Glad you are enjoying my site 🙂 See this page for more details about IELTS: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-help-faq/
Thanks Liz for such a valuable model essay .
Your website contains amazing tips and info
May God bless you😘
You’re welcome 🙂
Thanks a lot for your insightful teaching.
Ma’am I have problems in writing task 2. Whenever I sat down for practicevi don’t know how to begin with. So I look out for sample essay so that I can write better. But problem is that I first read sample essay and then write it. After some time I don’t know what and how to write further so I again refer to essay frequently. Finally I end up writing essay by consuming more than 40 minutes.
I suggest you get my Advanced Lessons which will help you understand in easy steps how to write a high band score essay.
Hi Liz,
Thank you kindly for this post. You are such a blessing to all of us.
Also, I have purchased your e-book for writing test 2 last weekend and it is more than excellent.
Hi everyone out there preparing for academic ielts – this e-book will help you a lot! I highly recommend that you look into it.
Thanks for your message. I’m really pleased you found the e-book useful 🙂
Thank you very much for your excellent videos and clear exercises.
I am also a teacher and my students and I have found your lessons and tips really helpful.
Once again, thanks a lot.
Thanks. I’m so pleased your students are benefiting from my website 🙂
Thanks a lot.
Thanks Liz, for presenting a write-up with such clarity in the concept of both view/opinion essay.
I wanted to ask, is it always necessary to write a ‘conclusion’, after explaining both sides opinion and a separate personal opinion as in the given essay. And second question, does the conclusion need to match the personal opinion?
If you fail to give a conclusion, you will automatically get band 5 for Task Response. It is vital to have a conclusion. See this video lesson: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2-last-5-mins/
Thank you lovely you are able to get ready for next level
Hi Liz,
I want to ask that is it necessary to make 3rd paragraph of opinion or it’s okay to give your opinion in introduction or conclusion part?
Which one is the best in both of them?
Thanking you in advance.
If your opinion does not fully agree with one or the other side, you will need to explain it in a separate body paragraph. If your opinion agrees with one of the sides, you can incorporate it with that side.
Mam,
Your guidance has helped thousands of students including me. I wish to get my writing tasks(Academic) assessed by you, but your website does not mention any link for paid/unpaid services. I got 6.5 in writing and wish to improve. Kindly help.
Thanks
I don’t offer marking, but I do have Advanced Writing Task 2 lessons which will teach you how to write a high band score essay. You ought to get those. You will soon learn what you are doing wrong. They are at 50% discount for the next few days. Click here: https://elizabethferguson.podia.com/
Hi Liz
Got a doubt, please help! The thesis statement seems a tad strong. I say this because you used “in my opinion”; I feel that it’s too early in the essay to give an opinion. I do understand that a thesis should detail what you are going to do in the essay, but is it ok to give your opinion outright. Your thoughts…
Of course you should give your opinion directly. You introduction your opinion in the introduction, explain it in the body paragraphs and then conclude it.
A simple but perfect essay, I’ve learnt a lot from this model essay. Keep it up Liz, we love you dearly.
I’m so glad it has helped. You hit the nail on the head – it’s simple. This means the ideas are easy to understand and the layout is logical and straight forward. This is the sign of a high band score essay. The other aspect is that the language is varied and complex – another sign of a high band score essay.