Improving Sentences for IELTS Writing Task 2

Below are some sentences written by a student. There might be one or more mistakes in the sentence or the sentences might be fine but you need to improve them.

  1. In my opinion, I believe that studying history is extremely important in term of learning about culture, and science, medicine development.
  2. On the one hand, history is a subject that is rarely used in people’s lives. Thus, it would be better to focus on science and technology, which is more relevant to the future.
  3. In other word, they should use the school time effectively, because students are loosing the motivation to study subjects like history that has no important role in day to day life.
  4. For instance, most people memorize dates,names and facts when they study history. This information is not useful for the future.
  5. Furthermore, Valuable information can often be found in history, how science and medicine had developed over the years.
  6. In conclusion, although history has many information that not used today, studying history is important for our present as will as for our future.
Answers
  1. In my opinion, I believe that studying history is extremely important in terms of learning about culture and the development of science and medicine. (The linking word “and” can be used to link items in a list as well as clauses.)
  2. On the one hand, as history is a subject that is rarely used in people’s lives, it would be better to focus on science and technology, which is more relevant to the future. (Combine the sentences to make one complex structure. 33 words is a good length but don’t try for much more than that.)
  3. In other words, school time should be used effectively because students are loosing the motivation to study subjects such as history that has no important role in day to day life. (Linking words.)
  4. For instance, most people memorize dates, names and facts when they study history which is not considered useful information for the future. (Combine the sentences.)
  5. Furthermore, valuable information can often be found in history which relates to how science and medicine has developed over the years. (Grammar: capital letters and tenses.)
  6. In conclusion, although history has a lot of information that is not used in today’s life, studying history is still important for our present as well as for our future. (The main issues are grammar and writing the sentence so that it contains a more precise meaning.)

Linking Words: You can also see that a number of linking words have also been corrected. Linking words are easy to learn but students still make mistakes with forgetting the “s” or using non-academic linking words such as “like”. Make sure you all work on perfecting your linking.

 

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Comments

  1. Hloo!Liz, is there will be lose of marks if we use informal words in writing??

  2. hi Liz
    I agree …. itself means it’s your opinion.
    so wold it be good to write ‘in my opinion’ before ‘ I Agee or disagree?

  3. Nguyen Vo Minh Nghi says:

    Hi Liz!
    As English is not my first language to I struggled to get a high score on IELTS. I just finished my IELTS test and here are my results: W: 6, R: 5.5, L: 7.5, S: 7
    I really disappointed about my reading score as I thought I did pretty great on it and I also want to increase my skill on Writing Task 2 . My problem is I could think about ideas, but it is difficult for me to how to write it in a academic way . So can you give me some tips to improve my vocabulary and sentence structure. Thank you
    All the best

  4. should we write numbers ( 2 , 100 , or any other ) as numerice ( 2 ) or alphabets in writing task 1 and 2…

    i am lit bit confused

  5. Hello Liz,

    In the second sentence :
    ‘…it would be better to focus on science and technology, which is more relevant to the future.’
    Why did you use ‘which is’ and not ‘which are’ ? is ‘which’ referring to ‘science and technology’ or the fact of focusing on science and technology ?
    Is ‘science and technology’ considered singular ?

    The same thing in the 5th sentence :
    ‘…how science and medicine has developed over the years.’
    The use of ‘has’ instead of ‘have’.

    Could you please explain that to me?
    Thank you Liz.

    • Because the subject is considered as one “science and technology”, not as two individual subjects.
      All the best
      Liz

  6. is it preferable to use infomal words in academic writing if i cannot find other formal words to paraphrase?i mean intread of repeating the same word ,can we use informal synonym word?

    • Don’t use inappropriate language to avoid repeating. Paraphrasing is about knowing when to paraphrase and also when to not paraphrase.
      Liz

  7. Radhakrishnan Rajendran says:

    Hi Liz,

    Good day to you.

    I have been working and writing essays for the questions you have published under the link over 100 essay questions. I am unable to answer some of them or even get an idea about what should be written in the essay.

    So I have started viewing the Ted videos which does cover some of the subjects which are part of the above mentioned 100 questions. Can I take hints from those videos and write it during the examination ?

    Please provide your valuable advise.

    Thanks

    • I don’t know what Ted videos are. You can get ideas from many places online for essay questions.
      All the best
      Liz

  8. Hello Liz

    Can you please check sentence number 6? There is “…as will as for our future” and I think that it should be “… as well as for our future”. If i am wrong, can you please explain how to use this phrase?

    Thank you

  9. Dilmurod says:

    hi Liz my name is Dilmurod and i am from uzbekistan. I am sending one of my essay,could you check it please. How could you give me advice to get 8 from writing?

    In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour.
    What do you think are causes of this?
    What solutions can you suggest?
    It is irrefutable fact is that value of schools depend on their pupils behaviour. However, in most society of the globe several problems are existed students norm of schools. It is debatable issue that I will put causes as well as I will suggest solutions to this.
    To begin with, one of the main problem is that student do not respect their teacher. Some of the subjects are badly organised and also contemporary students knowledge are better rather than teacher. One possible way to solve this problem would be managing system of required reestablish as well as government should focus to improving qualification of teachers.
    Furthermore, another problem conflict seems amoung schoolchildren and their parents. The reason that owing to not accept condition of school with family atmosphere, pupils unable to adapt this process. Another way to combat conflict would be that school staff should make most meeting with parents.
    Moreover, some students face up to financial problems which belong to tuition fee. Consequently, they loose their confidence to educational perspective. Government should create new founding and grants to capable students who bring benefit to the society in the future.
    Final problem, students are not payed attention by their teachers on hard subjects. As result, they remain constantly as illiterate pupil.
    In alternative way to deal with this problem is that principal of school should organise special project for these pupils to improve their skills.
    By way of conclusion, I pen down saying that if government do not pay attention on time It affect strongly to our social norm.
    (259 words)

  10. Hello Liz,
    Please I need the link to your model essays.
    Kind Regards.

  11. Thameen says:

    Thank you very much. You are really very helpful.

  12. Thameen says:

    How can we write an introduction for the following topic, and what can we include in the essay.
    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
    Teachers should make learning enjoyable and fun for their students.
    Many thanks in advance.

    • You can either agree, disagree or present a specific opinion relating to the issue. You can see my model essay in my writing task 2 collection.
      All the best
      Liz

  13. Dimitra says:

    Hello Liz
    My name is Dimitra and im came from Greece! I need immediately your help! I want to ask you what can I improve in this essay in order to get 6.5- 7 score!! Thank you in advance!!
    the topic is: More Tourists visited museums and historical sites than local people. Why is this cited and what can be done to attrack more local people?
    There is no doubt that the majority of local people tend to be less interested about museums and historical sites than foreign tourists. From my personal perspective while there is one main reason for this alarming trend, what can be expected is a change of museum role to talcke this situation.
    To begin with, the cause is that nowadays people seem to not have lot of spare time. Admittedly, the life is more complex and difficult than ever because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. In this way, quite often, people need to work full time in order to cover their basic needs and in turn they do not have leisure time to spend on their local museum or gallaries. In sharp contrast, they prefer to travel to other countries and to visit foreign historical sities in terms of these do not have anything from their ever day life.
    To solve this situation, the authorities of museums and historical sities should be more aware of theis role as guides in the acquasition of knowledge under enjoyable conditions rather than trasmitters of facts. Museums have to involve more interactive games relating of course to the art exhibition helping people to escape from their chaotic life. In this sense, there is the necessity for museums to be able to determine what specif needs of individuals are. The expertise of museums is how can explain and adapt historical concepts to individuals who are under enough pressure.
    In the nutshell, I would like to reiterate that museums are quiet important and we should urger local people to keep a balance in their perferences.

    • There are quite a few things you can do to improve your score. Firstly, I will ask you to go through all my lessons on writing task 2: http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2-lessons-tips-and-information/
      You must learn how to start your conclusion. You must plan each supporting point rather than starting to write with only a basic idea of your body paragraph content. You must plan the order you write your supporting points. Also you will need to develop your English language as there are a number of errors. Work on your basic grammar “people seem to not have” = “people do not seem to have”. Also work on your vocabulary “the acquasition of knowledge under enjoyable conditions ” = “to attract people”. The more mistakes you make choosing inappropriate words instead of accurate language, the lower your score.
      Otherwise, you have addressed the task and organised your paragraphs well.
      http://ieltsliz.com/rules-for-posting-writing/
      All the best
      Liz

  14. Thank you so much for taking the time to help us.

  15. Dear Liz,
    Please I want to seek your opinion some issues. First, is it compulsory to state reasons for a particular opinion in the introduction and further develop the points in each body paragraphs?
    Also, is it good to include things like “e.t.c or and so on” when giving examples in academic writing?

    • Two good questions. You should give your opinion and explain it in the body paragraphs when you are asked to do so. That means when the instructions say “To what extent do you agree?” or “Do you agree or disagree?”

      Using “etc” and “so on” does not demonstrate high level English language skills so it won’t help your band score. If you want to give a list of examples, just choose your examples and that’s all. Here’s an example “sports such as badminton, tennis and football.” There are plenty more that could be given, but just choose two or three and that’s enough to illustrate the information.
      All the best
      Liz

  16. Hi Liz,

    I would say the fifth example to be corrected as following:

    Furthermore, valuable information can often be found in history which relates to how science and medicine have been developed over the years.

    If I am right, could you update your post accordingly?

    Regards,
    Anas

  17. Hi the best teacher Liz I am so happy for using your best website. After using your all tips my all sections are improving significantly. So I would like to ask you to check my full essay. It is about Technology. Please could you check and mark it in reality. Thanks in advance. Good luck your job best regards!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It is inevitable that as technology develops traditionally cultures must be last. Technology and tradition are incompatible—you cannot have both together.

    In general, our world is becoming more and more technologically advanced as our existence requires ongoing progress. For many, this trend has been resulting in positive steps towards perfect lifestyle on our globe. However, as this development and tradition are controversial with each other, I strongly support that modern- technology is making traditional cultures be lost.

    Admittedly, the internet has revolutionized the modern world being catalizator for globalization as individuals from any corner of the world can have easy access to all the information on the world Wide Web, world population have begun following the mainstream culture. While less-spoken language are getting vanished for example, English is widening area and being used almost every aspects of life as a dominant language.
    Additionally, for the light of convenience in transportation, immigration that has become popular, made people’s preference of clothing, food, behavior and even customs similarly. We eat fast-food and Pizza, wear T-shirt, and listen to rock and roll or baroque music as those living in Europe, Asia or Australia. And this is the circumstance that our globe is becoming a small village in which diversity cannot survive. However, a number of gadget eased researches work investigating historical places or origions of living creatures. Complex and sophisticated tools are being used to detect and even record traditional music, as well as art so that these values can be transmitted to upcoming generations. Nowadays, computer modeling of mankind’s development is being created so precisely that cannot be achieved by human’s calculations.
    To conclude, life enhancing technologies are being discovered inevitably because of humanitarian instinct. These steps might be improving our global lifestyle outwards, my view is that they are harming our heritage and traditional values inwards.

  18. Thank you teacher, for your advice.through your blog and lessons im able to glimpes over my mitake.i am studied every day. your all efforts are really appericiated.

    Regards.

  19. Dear teacher,
    I would like to ask: you,about punctuation right place to use ? Is there in your blog,something could i see?
    Thank you.
    Regards

  20. Hi Liz , this lesson is very important, it showed us our hidden mistakes and once we spot them we can easily fixing them . Your help is highly appreciated .

  21. Wow~! Liz
    It is really helpful lesson which you correct all student’s errors so let us know what is wrong and can alter them in wright way~!

    Also, it is appreciated that you gave the clear tips in my introduction that I tried it yesterday. Now I’ve got more clear picture to how to write ~! Thanks you so much~!

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