IELTS Direct Question Essay: Success of a Business

Sample essay about judging success in business. This essay question  asks two direct questions which you must answer about the way success in business can be measured. The essay below was written by a student but as one major flaw – can you find it.

Essay Question

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money they make.

Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?

In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

Student’s Essay

It is argued in the statement that achievement and success in business can only be judged by the amount earned by the people. From my perspective, money is a true and most valuable criterion to mark success of a business. There are different other ways to measure business success which will be taken into account prior to reaching an informed conclusion.

Money is considered as a correct and reliable index to predict the strength of a successful business. For example, families of victorious business owners are rolling in money just because they earn a lot to fulfil the needs and demands of their dependents. It is clearly evident from the given example that the amount of money directly correlates with the huge productivity and outcome of a trade. So, it is only possible for someone to deal with all the life affairs very coherently with an ample amount of earning.

There are many other potential ways in which the peak of running business can be measured easily. Firstly, different deals and standard packages are only offered by the leading multinational companies. Secondly, a power of occupation can also be judged by the remarkable number of clients. Thirdly, an organization can also become successful with happy clerks and working staff. Finally, a success of a business can be related to the amount of taxes paid by its owners, as increased income will lead to more tax payments.

To conclude, although money is the most important way to determine the effectiveness of a business but other methods are also very important to tackle multiple problems in running a business. By following the above mentioned protocols, economy would have a bright future internationally.

Assessing the Essay Above

  1. Should the thesis statement begin with “From my prospective, …”
  2. Does the thesis statement provide answers to the questions?
  3. Does the first body paragraph answer the first question?
  4. Does the second body paragraph answer the second question?
  5. Does the topic sentence ( the first sentence) for each paragraph contain the main point?
  6. Are linking devices used well?
  7. What other comments can you make about this essay?
Answers
  1. It is better to start with “In my opinion”. See this lesson about how to give your opinion in an IELTS essay.
  2. Yes, each question should be answered in the introduction.
  3. Yes.
  4. Some of the points are off topic. Some ideas about how a company can become successful instead of how success is measured.
  5. The topic sentence for BP1 is fine and provides a clear answer. However, the topic sentence for BP2 is not clear because it doesn’t mention about measuring success of a business but about measuring the running of a business  (which is not the same thing).
  6. Yes, they are used well.
  7. More time needs to be spent planning ideas to make sure they are on topic. Here are some tips on planning an IELTS essay.

 

IELTS Model Essays Band Score 9, click to open

 

 

Main IELTS Pages

Develop your IELTS skills with tips, lessons, free videos and more.

Get my free lessons by email

Subscribe for free to get my new IELTS lessons sent to your email inbox.

Sharing is caring...
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on LinkedInEmail this to someonePin on Pinterest

Comments

  1. Hello Liz!
    Regarding the above essay about the measurement of success, you said that the student has written some off topic sentences. Why is it that his band score is still 9? Would it not affect the task response? thank you

  2. Hello,
    thank you so much for everything again…I just stuged soöething in the first paragraph.

    Is that correct, ‘prior to reaching’ due to having both gerund and to infinitive all together?

    Sincerely,

  3. Hi Liz,

    I have gone through most of your model essays. Extremely helpful indeed. Regarding the above essay, I feel it does not ask for our opinion, hence writing, “in my perspective”, should be avoided. Am I wrong in understanding this? Kindly comment.
    Thanks a lot !

    • The first question will be answered differently by different people because of their opinion. It is asking for your opinion. Also please note that “in my perspective” is incorrect English, it should be “from my perspective”.
      All the best
      Liz

  4. Hi Liz,

    Kindly provide advice on the following

    Some experts claim that walking is one of the greatest exercises for maintaining a healthy life. However, fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What do you think are the reasons for this? What solutions can you offer?

    According to some experts, walking has proven to be one of the most beneficial exercises for sustaining a healthy lifestyle still, more and more people have eliminated it from their daily routine. In my opinion, technological innovation is one of the main causes of the reduction in walking nonetheless, there are several strategies that can be used to motivate people to walk more.

    Advancing technology has made people become sedentary because it simplifies tasks. Take the internet as an illustration, today the growth of online shopping and jobs have become rampant and as such there is no need to walk to a physical location. Furthermore, most people these days use an escalator or elevator in the malls, schools and companies instead of taking the stairs.

    There are a number of ways to propel waking. Firstly, companies, schools and other organizations can institute a quarterly walkathons. They can also establish a walking club. Finally, posters can be placed at their location which highlights the countless health benefits of this inexpensive medicine.

    In conclusion, walking is one of the most advantageous exercises for maintaining a healthy life and should be promoted everywhere. If more people walked and encouraged others to do same then each country would have healthier citizens and will reduce the amount spent on healthcare.

  5. now a days food has becoming easier to prepair. has this change improve how people live?

  6. Many thanks Liz for giving me your instruction .

  7. Hello Liz,
    Could you please explain to me who i know whether an agive assay is opinion one or not ? Really iam confusing with types of assays , which statment in question is indicate that the assay is opinion one ?
    When i read this quastion i thought it is quastion type of assay rather than opinion assay ?
    Please Liz help me i will get an exam on the next week .
    Best regards

    • Hi,

      Some teachers call it an argumentative essay, some call it an agree disagree essay and some call it an opinion essay. All those essays are basically essays which only want your opinion on a topic and nothing more. The instructions will be “to what extent do you agree or disagree” or “do you agree or disagree” or “what is your opinion”. All these instructions indicate that it is an essay which requires your opinion only.

      If the instructions say “discuss both sides and give your opinion” then the discussion and opinion are both important. Here’s a lesson for you to decide when you should and shouldn’t give your opinion: http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2-should-i-give-my-opinion/

      Good luck in your test!
      All the best
      Liz

  8. can we start thesis statement from words like FROM MY PROSPECTIVE….or IN MY OPINION??????
    is this ok if we state our opinion n continue sentence with thesis statement in introduction paragraph? for example,
    ….use of mobiles (cell)phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries and shop and on public transport.
    To what extent do you agree r disagree with this statement?…………..if this is an example, how should i write my opinion n thesis in introduction paragraph within two sentences?

    • Hi Saira,

      As I mentioned in my comments, “prospective” is actually the wrong word completely. “prospective” means something in the future, it does not relate to any view or opinion. Click here to see the definition: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/prospective. So, it’s a spelling mistake and you have used the wrong word. You mean “perspective” which has the same meaning as opinion. However, as I pointed out “in my opinion” is more academic. I will not tell you which one to use – I give my advice and you choose. “in my opinion” is more academic than “from my perspective” – you choose.

      For the introduction. You write a background statement which introduces the topic and then you write a thesis statement which contains your answer. I don’t know what you mean by “write a continue sentence” – it doesn’t exist for IELTS essays. Please watch my video on how to write an introduction for an opinion which explains everything very clearly: http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2-how-to-write-an-introduction/
      All the best
      Liz

  9. Hai Liz, What could be the result for an essay task 1, which counts under 150 words?

    • Hi,

      I’ll post your answer tomorrow as a lesson for all students because it’s a serious question which they all need to be aware of.
      Regards
      Liz

  10. I think when your opinion is asked then its OK to begin thesis statement with in my prospective.
    Thesis statement doesn’t provide answer to the second question. It could have been like this. In my prospective money or the profit earned is the most valuable indicator to assess the success of a business however some other indicators such as number of cliants or job satisfaction of employees also gives useful information.
    2nd and 3rd body paragraphs do answer the questions. However 3rd paragraphs needs elaboration of the points mentioned. And also not all points are relevant .
    2nd body paragraph topic sentence doesn’t contain a main point

  11. Ayman Kenawy says:

    Thesis should probably be,However I would probably confirm that money is a true indicator of a success of a business,there are other methods that could be measured as well.

    My comment is that ,It is a nice essay ,however the second body paragraph,should focus on one idea instead of being just an enumeration of the facts.

    Secondly ,the last two sentences in the conclusion are irrelevant and preferably be omitted

  12. I am a new reader of this website and I wish if LIZ can read these word tell me how to contact her directly. In fact I want to thank you LIZ directly since you could reach to my mind and heart by this great work.
    Back to the given essay I think it is good but lacks some transitional words
    Maher
    TDST MAG Schools

  13. There are different other ways to measure business success which will be taken into account prior to reaching an informed conclusion…….is a part of introduction n not first body paragraph.

Speak Your Mind

*